today is my grandmother's birthday as well as (supposedly) our nation's. my parents and youngest sister are visiting her and my grandfather, who is doing well but has parkinson's disease. i talked to him on the phone and he sounded all right, but far away. i'm sure that's his voice, which is quiet, and the phone connection, which was scratchy, but i couldn't help feeling it, all the same.  i can tell that something is wrong because my mom has only seemed so stressed out once before, and that was when she had hurt her back. i'm hoping that my sister R can shed some light on this all when she comes to visit. it's exciting in and of itself because she will be visiting our nation's (supposed) birthplace this weekend! she's never seen our apartment or the town where we live, and hasn't been to the city for a long time. it should be great. she also hopes to see a college friend over some cereal with crazy toppings.

my grandmother claims that something exciting happens every time my parents visit. this time, the news is that we might have a date! don't get too excited, because we don't have a contract yet, but we are crossing our fingers for june 19th, 2009. this will NOT turn into a wedding blog! but i wanted to say it, because it's pretty exciting. i'm usually so nervous about making goals that i just don't, but M. and i had hoped to have something concrete by the end of this week, and as long as the postal service actually works, we should in a few days. in other news, we had a good visit to the west coast, where i got to spend a lot of time reading ("pride and prejudice" - definitely not as good as i was hoping) and spending relaxed time with M.'s family. i'm grateful that they put up with me.

well, i must be off, but i wanted to pop up and say hello. may you have good fireworks and a summery, all-american weekend. by the way, i don't mean to seem flippant about my grandfather's declining health; in fact, i take it very seriously and may try to plan a visit there soon... i was just reminding myself that this is going to be really hard on my mom. i hope you can spend time with your loved ones this weekend.

Grounds 3

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At the surprise party, we all sat clapping dumbly
when you came in unsurprised.

I fumbled in a cabinet, your voice
in the other room saying
I know we are of the same nature.

Three birds with clipped wings
try to glide up the dizzy staircase.
Claws rattle the banister.

Downstairs, a blackbird
rips the basement insulation.

I didn't know that was you
rustling in the upstairs window.
You didn't know I was listening—

dissembler, aberration, wellspring,
laughing with me in the luminous room,
where I'll say your name and you'll find me unsurprised.

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One of my summer projects is to work on some poetry and translations, which I have decided to keep here. Hopefully the knowledge that there may be an occasional reader will keep me on task. Thanks!

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well, just as m. predicted, the weather jumped from 50 degrees and rainy to 85+ and humid. nuts. time to get out my pith helmet.

but the jungle i'm referring to is the summer, that land of unstructured time and too many tasks. i usually make unrealistic lists of things to read, but this summer's unrealistic list includes "study for prelims" (whatever that means), "plan wedding," "write poems," "visit [about 10 people]", and various other things. totally unrealistic! yet somehow, these things need to happen. where is the fairy godmother?

in other non-complaining news, i am now a Master of Arts. (i know, what the heck? who let that happen, right?) graduation had bagpipes. my family met my advisor. it was a nice, though very rainy, milestone. i still have suspicions that i don't really deserve the degree - i think this 'not good enough' feeling is ubiquitous in academia.

also! we got to meet the new niece, who is the world's cutest baby, and m. met my brothers in law, which was a really good time. everyone got along so well, it all felt very natural. best of all, i discovered that the baby liked it when i put her over my shoulder and danced around. apparently babies like their necks to be jiggled a little (after they can hold their heads up, that is). it was so funny and touching at the same time, the babydance.

then, we got to tour some potential wedding sites, which was not as scary as i'd thought. as a reward, six of our grad school friends came to visit the farm! my parents got a real kick out of that, as did i, seeing worlds collide... and a lot of croquet balls collide, too. it was a lawn sports weekend. really, really fun. in a couple weeks we'll be on the west coast to visit family there, and then we'll have visits from each of our youngest (or only, in m.'s case) sisters. should be great. summer is definitely a time for visits.

que sean benditos,
s.

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Yep! For now, I'm done. Done with my semester, done with my thesis! I just ate a chocolate chip cookie and watched all the trailers for the "Sex and the City" movie on the NYT website to celebrate. Now I'm looking at old photos that I have stored in too many places online.

Tonight's a little celebration for graduation, tomorrow's a picnic and another celebration for a friend who got her Ph.D., and Sunday's the event itself, bagpipes and all. I hope it doesn't rain and it's not too boring. M. cooked all day yesterday so we'd be prepared for these various events, while I was a total witch, grumbling away about All My Work. I hope to be more human from now on. I know I've said that about a hundred times this semester, but now I really feel it.

Picture 3

Next week, we're headed to my parents' and then to the midwest to visit my sisters, brothers in law, and niece. I can't wait to get a change of scene! And see everyone! And traveling anywhere with M. is about the most fun thing I can think of.

The summer will be a nice transition time; several of our friends will be abroad, which is great for them, a little sad for us, but still, I think, an all around good thing.

I don't know what to say, really - I'm just relieved to have everything over with for now.

I leave you with a picture of one of those old wooden roller coasters at Coney Island - a photo I took years ago.

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Hey, it's been a while! I defended my thesis last week, and as soon as that happened I became very lazy and very happy, and very lazy.

Seriously. It's the last week of class, but I can't do any work. I have a bunch of finals stuff but I just can't get anything done. Instead, though, I've been being human again: I've cooked dinner with M. nearly every night in the past week, watched a bunch of fun things (including "Waking Life" D+ [directionless; bad writing; cool look], "Juno" which gets an A- [very cute; George Michael and Michael Bluth in one movie!; somewhat predictable; awesome soundtrack], "Lars and the Real Girl" which gets a surprising B+, and "Slings and Arrows," which is too good to grade). I've sent letters to my grandparents, I've taken a walk almost every day, I've slept late, I've gotten to email friends, we've had time to discuss (briefly) wedding planning; I've even had time to be BORED. What the heck? It's like... normal life is back?! The real me is back too, as the people around me will be glad to know - no more weird crying fits or monosyllabic responses or failures to do any chores ever. Certain persons who cooked and cleaned everything for me for two months (and to whom I am very, very grateful) will be particularly relieved, I suspect.

Just to celebrate spring and May 1st (though it's not related to workers in any way):

Calm baby

I'm glad to report that other parts of my life seem to be ok too: my school hasn't completely fallen apart, though it will be going through some growing pains. I'll know more about this over the summer, I think, if the committee ever starts meeting. We don't have to move this summer - excellent! I don't think I'll have a garden but hope to join a CSA or find a decent farmer's market. We've been talking a lot about what we eat and how we live and whether it can be (affordably) more environmentally sound - strategizing about "carbon footprint"s and organic vegetables and about how bad the beef industry is. I'm not trying to turn anyone vegetarian but sometimes you really have to stop and think...

My sisters seem to be doing well; my baby niece is now six weeks old and has already outgrown a piece of clothing. She has tiny eyebrows, apparently. Amazing! I hope to meet her in a few weeks. My parents are thinking about taking a trip with my great aunt, which could be a combination of wearing and hilarious, but she's an accomplished traveler and I think they'd probably end up having a good time. I'm pushing for Italy in September but it's all up in the air. They deserve it, though, they're working really hard. So is my sister R.; I hope she finds another job soon, one where they can afford to treat her properly (I'm worried she's getting burned out). She'll get a little vacation this summer, which is nice.

I hope this finds you well, and somewhere with cherry blossoms or daffodils or tulips.

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Hello folks,

Been too busy to update this thing, but recording has been taking place. Another vocal is completed, another one has been sketched out. Another has been half completed! Another guitar has been put down... progress is still slow just due to the nature of musicians (hard to get hold of, even harder to get them to turn up on time...) but I am happy that this project probably has just crossed the halfway point in terms of total material needing to be recorded.

Soundproofing of a screaming singer. On a Budget

This is how you soundproof a screaming vocalist on a budget.

and yours truly with the cans.

I will return soon with some sound clips!

Benz.

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Hey, all,

I've been busy with work at school, trying to chip away at my thesis, and I will continue to be out of touch for the next few weeks. There's lots of good news in the air (nice folks at M's new program, baby C.D. my niece, lambs, everyone being super supportive, folks surviving their prelims, crocuses and daffodils). I'll elaborate next time. Hang in there, y'all.

xoxo

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Goodnightmoon

My sister A.'s baby was born this afternoon! We're all thrilled. This means I'm an aunt, and my parents are grandparents. I can't wait to see some pictures of her. Hopefully M. and I will meet her in a few short months. Wow. I can hardly believe that my sister is a mom, though she'll be a very good one.... all of the things she's gone through now... birth is something that's very unfathomable to me.

Welcome to the world, tiny Lina!

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I came across this fun article in the NYT today, and it led me to this fun blog about a documentary on young farmers. The next generation of Back To The Land-ers! I sent the link to my parents - I hope they're excited. It was sort of eerie watching the trailer and imagining my parents, checking books on building a house and farming out of their library, just like the people in the film.

Now I want to be a farmer. Maybe it's just thesis stress, and I know it would be really hard. But come on, can't I have a little bit of land with space to grow garlic and tomatoes and make cheese? I guess that stuff could be accomplished with a sunny back yard... ah, someday. How exciting to think about. Go young farmers!

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